I have found that this past year has been filled with lots of discomfort. And I would assume if we took a vote of all the people we know, everyone would likely say the same thing. I also feel like this last year has gone faster than any year I remember in my adult life. I also know, if I spent time dwelling on it, I could attribute it like many of us, to so much going on in our world, our environments, and our households. I have learned a great deal in the last year, not only about myself, but how I connect to my piece of the world. I cherish my role as a mom, a wife, a daughter, sister, and friend. I am honored to be a social worker, and even more honored to be doing the work I do on a daily basis. I am humbled by lessons I learn daily, and by the people who provide space and insight to support me in being the best person I can be. I have learned many things, and continue to learn more. Here a just a few…
- Not everyone is going to like you. I know this one seems obvious, but truly the sting of this has been so blatant in so many ways. But its true. Not everyone is going to like you, believe in what you do, and some people are going to hurt and disappoint you. Everyone gets to decide how and with who they want to spend their time, and some of that is really empowering. And the other part of that feels like loss, disappointment, and sadness.
- Along with that, boundaries. I know this as a therapist because its something I tell my clients all the time. Its something I work with my own children to develop, and its something I as a clinician and human am constantly working on. Boundaries. What are they? How do you define them? How do you redefine them, and why are boundaries so important? Why are your boundaries so important to you? What I have learned in the last year is that boundaries are important for being able to set a place marker. A grounding zone for support, and also the ability to say, I think I am good and this is where I am drawing my line. I have also learned that not everyone around me may agree with my boundaries of saying no, of time, or of who I want or don’t want to spend time with, and that is difficult. It goes back to the “not everyone will like you,” and you know what that’s okay. Uncomfortable, but okay.
- If I listen to my physical self, it is a thread to my thinking. What do I mean by this? I once heard a yoga instructor I was training with say, ” we have more real estate from from the neck down.” And I have found this to be gold. Every thought I have, or action I respond to, I have found it started by a physical discomfort in my body. I am always good about stopping and asking myself, what is your body manifesting whether its a stomach ache, a fast heart beat, or even tense muscles. What is your body responding to? And if I ignore it, the discomfort amplifies to more discomfort. If I listen, take a deep breath, and begin retracing my thought steps, I come to a place of awareness. Does the discomfort go away? No. But my level of understanding, and of being able to stop, step back, and lean in to it begins to feel more positively responsive.
This has been a year of little control, and I know as you read this, there may be a thought of “yeah, we know.” But I will also say, thought it has been a year of little control, it has been connected to greater knowledge and awareness of what I want to spend my time doing. How I connect with people, and the importance of finding that rhythm and space for myself. and you, for yourself. We all get to decide, and I hope along the way, decisions are seen, heard, and greatly respected.